by Various Artists
It is a little known fact that most of the people you know are related to sharks. There was a prophecy and a bloodline and a spaceship and probably some Mayans involved - the whole deal. The important thing to take away from this is that they're sick of man-freaking-kind being the ones on top and are enacted their centuries-old plan to bring about piscine dominance. The first step in this plan is to release a quirky comics anthology for your entertainment. So watch out!
BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER
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Our first and most art-school issue boasts a three-part epic about knitting by Jesse Breytenbach, a parable of strange science by giant Pole, Andrzej Nowicki, a pharmacological tale of fraught love by Dom Sable, a creepy African war story from Brice Reignier and Morgan Serkis, the bittersweet end to a ninja's breakfast by Tom McNally and stress-relief tips for the discerning executive by Simon Tamblyn, while Sebastian Borckenhagen had something to say about love, as usual. I'm not even to get into Brice's iconic cover. I'd only sully it with words.
We mixed stuff up like to MAXIMUM MIXY level on this one. Tom McNally kicks things off with the plauisbly sexual cover and a trip through the many lives and arduous queueing of a dead man. Brice Reignier paints a Twilight Zoneish picture of two strange creatures wandering through a vast and unforgiving desert, John Bauer provides the porclein pots that give delicate heft to the filfthiest verse possible, Erin Hargreaves shows us how Weetabix can help a man through his divorce, Jesse Breytenbach laments a boring drug trip and then lets the polar bear do the talking. Carolyn Gad takes centre stage and lets a fey player lead a boy astray into the explosion of a mind, Sebastian Borckenhagentells us that love is mostly about shooting your monster/girlfriend and Luis Tolosana takes a schizophrenic treasure hunt out in Barcelona. The Ancient Shark Of Despair makes an appearance but doesn't want to make a big deal of it.
The third issue marched beyond the beast-pocked sands of South Africa and recruited a cover from American artist David Hellman. Brice Reignier's first Shark Of Wisdom strip was his stout leuitenant, with Colleen Brice's double-act of disc jockey astronauts and the doomed relationships of dinosaurs provided the strongest of flanks. Special forces were provided by Luis Tolosana's quest for the biggest whore around, and Sebastian Borckenhagen's meditations on the kindness of birds and the national importance of newspaper word puzzles. Bringing up the rear was Jessi Lachnitt's beautiful ramble on hair, kites, drugs and barnacle cocks, in step with Tom McNally's chronicles of both a socially addled lizardperson and a frustrated, hulking warbot. Nandi Williams and her prankster space-horses were the only survivors.
* Coming soon
An expedition to track Joe Daly to his lair was successful and he focused his extraordinary talents and rare pedigree to produce not one, but two covers for our fourth issue. On the journey back home, Brice Reignier told the tale of Shark Of Wisdom losing and then regaining faith in his abilities while Colleen Brice cooked up a bushtuck of a surrealistic fable of a rhino, reanimated by tiny fruit people to complete a bizarre lifecycle. Nandi Williams worked with Paul McNally to trap a Pegasus to eat, but returned to camp with only a pack of cigarettes. Ben Winfield broke his leg while relating a conversation between two girl-troubled demons and Roxy-Anne Kawitzky carried him home in a litter made from the delusions of a troubled and ungainly child. Ian Norris was waiting for everyone on their return with a giant sack of chocolate and yet another robot with an stuttering emotion-circuit. Those robots!
* Coming soon
During the frightening attack on the city, as depicted by Brice Reignier on the cover, we sheltered out at Jesse Breytenbach's house, where Danelle Malanand her dragon were already taking up most of the available space. Sebastian Borckenhagen tried to arrange a picnic but it quickly descended into homoerotic grappling, which Colleen Brice attempted to defuse with an offering of fruit from an angry tree and a story of innocently sexist remarks made by conservative-minded lions in art school. Ian Norris rocked us into the centre of the Earth, and our spirits were lifted as our flesh melted. Brice returned with supplies and a fresh Shark Of Wisdom comic that we burned for warmth, after which Tom McNally dreamt of aviator werewolves, wooden butterflies and a half-flirtation with an ex-girlfriend.
* Coming soon
Sebastian Borckenhagen's poetic offshoot from the Semiotic Cohesion dreamcloud sports a snazzy outing for Godking and friend for ice-cream, a shiny piece of advice for Billy from a mechanic, a curious battle over a picnic and a cigarette, a dazzling employment opportunity for Professor Bear, a flaming face for Michael, not to mention every bit of money in the goddamn world. This hefty wack of the good stuff will fit right into your pocket, if you have big pockets, so you can carry it right up to the one you love and cram it directly into their heart.
Sebastian went away with the Worry Rhino in Nature's Valley. While swimming, he discovered he could hold his breath almost indefinitely and found, out in the lake, a trunk of ideas. He saw an alien dissect a man with his teeth because he misunderstood a joke. He saw a boxer disguised as a reporter lose a fight. He saw a man with a shadow of fire, a beautiful blue bird that wasn't there and a puppy get left behind on Earth.
He came back and had a good long think about what he had seen. Here are those thoughts.
Bits and pieces that fit here and there.
MEXICAN PISS DREAM
Sebastian Borckenhagen had a Mexican Piss Dream that he'd like to get all over you. It is about loss, regret, and hiring someone to impersonate your wife so you can urinate on her face. Recommended.
Appearing in the pages of UCT Rag Mag Sax Appeal by Tim Harris and Graham Laurance as both a homage to the cheaply-made and spy-obsessed South African photocomics of the 60's and 70's while simultaneously shilling for the Butler's Pizza franchise, Dick Gunner came under the jurisdiction of Little Old Man glitterati Tom McNally and Gavin Haynes mainly because no one else was using him and was pounced upon with gusto. Dirk Kristen was game. We came up with Dick in the following flavours: